hey. you think you're fucked? please, try living my life.

every saturday, i have

-ballet: 10.30am-12pm

-YOG: 12.45pm (since we don't seem to a shred of punctuality ingrained in us)-4plus/5

-AYC: can take up almost my whole day, depending.

-church service project: 12.30pm-4plus

tell me, how do I choose? Whatever my choice, i "pon" the other three...

i keep asking myself what if... what if i never joined Cedar Dance, what if i never agreed to be part of the AYC SOT... better yet, what if i never joined CPB,
what if i wasn't Catholic? pfft... one musn't think such thoughts...

not to mention, i have no fucking tuition, not because i don't want it, but because i can't.
it's a fucking miracle i'm not at the bottom of the cohort.
 yet, i'm underperforming. bloody hell.

...i may have made a bad choice today,
i may have made someone upset, pissed and annoyed, more like.
but that's life. you can't always be thinking of yourself, about your own schedule. other people have their own sometimes screwed up life to attend to.

and please, guys, stop hatin' on the school... have you ever thought that it might not be the school, BUT RATHER THE PEOPLE IN IT? and yo,  i'm not talkin' bout the above-21s... SOMETIMES WE THINK WE KNOW IT ALL... but delusioned is all we are. yeah, just like how i turn away when you guys are eating in class, whenever you break the rules in any way you deem fit, even though it makes me wanna scream. Call me guai kia, call me goody-two-shoes, i don't care. because at the end of the day, i don't think any of you care about the fact that i feel like a bloody hypocrite when i let all these things pass... yeah, i smile and laugh it off, but i feel like i'm cheatin' on the trust placed upon me... i'm guess i'm just not living up to expectations. good grief, sometimes things are just outta your hands, and ya just gotta accept it kays?